Tom Brady posted a 1-minute, 118-word retirement video. I’m not a huge football fan, but the video was all over my Twitter feed. I had no choice except to watch it. As I watched, I noticed there were a few business-writing lessons:
Get to the point. The first two lines tell you why he’s talking to you.
Avoid droning. He created a great flow, with an excellent mix of short, punchy sentences with some longer ones.
Avoid dredging. He didn’t go into a lengthy rehashing of his retirement from a year ago. He simply referenced it.
Show vulnerability. His second paragraph was a little longer than necessary. But he was clearly emotional.
Say thank you. He did that.
Here is the transcript:
Good morning, guys. I’ll get to the point right away. I’m retiring for good. I know the process was a pretty big deal last time, so when I woke up this morning I figured I’d just press record and let you guys know first. So I won’t be long-winded. I think you only get one super-emotional retirement essay, and Iused mine up last year.
So I really thank you guys so much, to every single one of you for supporting me– my family, my friends, my teammates, my competitors. I could go on forever. There’s too many. Thank you, guys, for allowing me to live my absolute dream. I wouldn’t change a thing. I love you all.